How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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