I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
