Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
