She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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