so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
