Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
