She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
