Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
