I wanna bring you to show and tell
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
