Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
