I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
