if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
