i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
