You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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