There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
