I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
