Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
