Need sex. Gaining weight.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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