i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
