What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
