mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
