I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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