Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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