My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
