I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
