I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
