doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Randomize
