have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
