Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
