OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
