Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
