just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
