Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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