i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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