kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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