God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
