I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
