found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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