Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
