Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
