It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
