i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
