so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
