So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize