Don't make out with my wife yet
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
