My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
