So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
