Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
