ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
