the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
