So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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