If that was your dad, he is hot
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
