she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
