i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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