I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
